Monday, February 01, 2010
I've made my decision & I stand by it.
I never make a deicision independently.
That's just plain foolish.
I consult a man that has comforted me when the dark hour of the night brought out my vulnerability; His name is Zain ul Abedeen [peace be upon him].
My relationship with him started 6 years ago when I searched high & low for solace. I was the luckiest man alive to come across a man who was named "the crowning prince of the worshippers". When I met him, I realized not who he was, although I could tell his soul beamed so brightly - a light so bright - that it shook you at the very core.
He didn't speak much, he was quiet man and only spoke through paper. I asked him questions & he stood there and handed me a book. I looked at it's glittering red cover and gold lettering which stated "as sahafa as sajiddiya".
"hmmm....the psalms of the prostrating", I muttered.
The book was written for those who took comfort in praying and supplicating while their heads touched the ground. I guess he knew I was one of them, I deeply respected the institution of prostration; my hero's advocated it.
I opened the book and there it was....a simple supplication for the person who understands they are not alone in the decision making process.
Zain Al Abedeen [peace be upon him] read the supplication to me and I followed shortly after him - I admired him and was so compelled by his sweet & strong nature that I wanted to abandon my life and become his servant.
I sat down and read the supplication where it stated mans need for help and protection. It went deep into me and showed me that I was never independent in my deicision making - that I needed Allah to decide what to do when I come to a cross roads. Allah, the master of my micro universe, guides my decisions so I may follow through with the best case scenario for myself & those whom I affiliate with.
This is why I stand by my decisions - this is why, whenever I have nightly conversations with Shaytan, I remind him that it was not just me who decided to live the way I do now, it is my Master - Allah, that hath put me here. I am honoured with what I've been commanded to do and I take pride in the situations I am put in.
Indepence is a bullsh*t term, it was coined to fool people that they were the centre of the universe & all revolves around them. We are dependent upon each other and inevitably dependent upon the One.
Thank you Zain ul Abedeen for giving me a bridge to cross into Allah's kingdom.