Monday, April 20, 2015

Communicating Organs





Little did I realize the my subconscious was collection every detail about you
I stared helplessly at your smile, listened to the music that is your laughter, all the while my subconscious was frantically taking notes about you and concluded that you're the person I've always wanted
This wasn't one night in the making, this was a lifetime of research
Studying the movement of every woman I ever met
Every lady I came across, every woman I ever shared a glance with
When my subconscious studied your every move, it shared it's hypothesis with my heart and the decision was unanimous 
You're perfect
Perfect in every sense 
Never have I felt so confident about something,
...or someone
Not ever. 
I had a history of chronic self-doubt. Never did I trust my gut and rationale 
But after turmoil and agony did I realize they are  my best advisors and confidants
They did not tell me that you're a good woman
They're pressuring me,
Day and night
Relentless and incessant
impatiently to pursue you and make sure you're mine.
Years of evidences came to fruition over the course of 8 months
Those 8 months where my subconscious frantically studied your every move
One night, one evening is all it took to convince my heart that my gut wasn't lying.

Thursday, April 09, 2015

Perpetual Thoughts



It's been months and she's been a thought at least once a day
That one thought became perpetual and she's the only presence in my mind,
All that I need is a fleeting image of her and the vividry of her never stops
For every time I tried to set her free, my heart punished me with anxiety
Her thought brings about euphoria
The only sensation that I feel
A high that shadows every drug known to man
An unreal intensity with a crushing withdrawal if I conjure up the bravery to quit

What am I suppose to do when my heart beats her name?
What am I suppose to do when the only picture in my head is of her?
When the only thing I can hear is her laugh and her voice?
When every cell in my body is swelling with emotion and it is she that is multiplying within them? How do you fight it?
Are you suppose to fight back again such intensity?
Can a person do anything to purge this from their very being?
There's no fighting back, you'll be sure to implode
Accept the emotions and bare patiently, they will never subside.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Beyond my Control.



The sensation is unreal.
The emotions are unforgiving. 
Far beyond my control; these vibes have me forgetting where I once lived
I just want to drown in an ocean of your love;
Get washed up by the tide unknowing where I am;
Get lost in a hurricane of your romance and thrown into land unknown;
Wander aimlessly in the lush jungles your passion;
Guided by the moonlight of your warm soul as the night threatens me with fear;
Fall asleep and dream while you bridle my chest and sail you to the stars and admire the world from afar;
Wake up to gentle winds of your voice and watch the angels dance to your hymns;
Rise with sun of your glowing embrace for now I can see;
I never want to return to the land where I once came from;  
Because now you’ve shown me where I want to be;
Love is the only land where I want to live;
Let’s get lost and never come back.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Reining in those Crazy Emotions.




I’ve written a fair bit about how you should keep the heart & mind separate when it comes to decision making and understanding how to sort out your life. It makes sense, doesn’t it? But now I’m beginning to think otherwise. I won’t throw my old theories out the window – they’re still valid, but maybe they aren’t as sure footed as I initially thought they were.

As days more forward, I feel that the heart and mind are too heavily intertwined to be separated. There is no possible way to separate your emotions from your thought process. Emotions are strong as they are meant to be. Strong emotions bring people together and make us experience life in the way it was meant to be experienced. Imagine not being able to love deeply or feel sad when someone close passes away?

As crucial as emotions are to driving you to progress they can be equally counterproductive to making progress. We can’t deny that you need to be passionate about something to succeed at it. But being distracted by emotions is a major problem that everyone has had to struggle with.
As I grow, I realize more and more what aspects of my character are dynamic and what aspects are static. I know that I’m an emotional person and realize that situations that stirred my emotions as a teen have a similar effect on me now. Not everything, no; but, many things are the same and I’ve embraced that. However, if I allow these emotions distract me, than they will surely steer me clear of the progress I am determined to make. My determination is emotional – a lack of determination is a lack of passion.

So there’s a complex balancing act that needs to be practiced in order to ensure that you are successful at attaining what you want. When these emotions start, they always furious and aggressive as they need to be. These emotions that are wild and free need to be reined in and managed. However, like an undomesticated animal that is averse to human touch, your emotions will always have the instinct to return to their wild roots. Containing your emotions while still utilizing them in order to achieve your goals seems counter intuitive; but absolutely necessary. The only tool you can use to contain these emotions is your mind. Your quiet time before your day starts and just before it ends are some of the most important moments of the day. Early morning meditation and late evening contemplation are what make your emotions balanced and centered. The idea of meditating before sunrise to set goals as to how you want to behave, perform and react will definitely make your day much more tranquil. On the flip side, reflecting on everything you’ve said and done during the day just before you go to bed will work miracles in controlling your emotions. These tangible practices lie in three spiritual essences; patience, humility & focused thought.

You will fail 100 times before you finally rein in on your emotions and use them to your advantage. But don’t worry, failing is a blessing in disguise if you look hard enough.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

When My Heart Does the Seeing



My eyes stopped staring and my heart does all the gazing. I may as well be blind because my heart is all my mind needs to tell me that what I see is heavenly. I glance over all that is beautiful and smile only when my heart sees you. I've become unable to see all the women who've spent their morning beautifying their image because my heart doesn't care for the beauty of anyone but yours. When my eyes gazed upon you, all I felt were butterflies and childish glee; but when my heart became my eyes all I began to feel was peace and tranquility. Why should I entrust my eyes with guiding my senses when all they’ve caused me was distress? My heart saw your soul and showed me all I needed to know about beauty.

Your heart is a chorus of angels because the song of your laughter is all I need to believe that heaven exists. My heart sees your smile and feels pity for the moon; because your smile inspired more passion within me than the moon will ever stir in the hearts of poets. You may as well a sign from God that love is real and exists because I see it clearer than anything the sun can ever give hope to.
My eyes are what led me to you, but they stopped seeing when my heart opened up to your beauty. 

Even though my eyes perceive you as absolutely stunning; my heart has seen heaven within you and given dreams my eyes cannot begin to comprehend.  

With Sincere Adoration,

Neil.

Thursday, January 01, 2015

That Gut Feeling You Get



Take a seat in the corner of your room in total silence and contemplate that everyone you meet is either going through something difficult or will experience it at some point in their lives. We have a tendency to think that the world revolves around us and no one really gets how we feel or comprehends our day-to-day struggles. I can promise you that everyone you will ever meet will share a story or situation that you can relate to

They'll share some words of wisdom that will help as you journey on. I find that wisdom plays a very important role in your capacity to articulate your thoughts and feelings. As well, humility is equally important when listening to what sincere people have to say. I stress the word sincere because there are many people you come across that will spew (mostly) rubbish. Therefore, wisdom is to speech what humility is to listening; you cannot be confident in what you have to say unless you've delved into it AND you cannot take anyone else's words seriously unless you have the humility to squash your own preconceived notions.

So in this letter, I will need you to be humble because I am confident that you will not agree with me. What I've experienced is something that defined the next leg of my life's journey and if I didn't listen to my gut, the remainder of my life would be very different.

That gut feeling...

Dear Lord that gut feeling that wakes you up at night and tears apart your insides. That feeling that feels so certain, but sometimes seems so hazy that you have to search for it, although its screaming at you.

That gut feeling...

The sensation you have burning a hole in your abdomen when you absolutely have to make a decision that could possibly direct your next course of action. You're never really sure how it got there and why you feel it, but its there and you have to obey it.

Just recently, I was torn about a decision that it was the central theme to my life for a month. Day and night, I had only one thought in my mind and I had no idea which side to take, my heart, or the....other confusing feeling I sensed in my gut. My heart was screaming yes and the only thing it wanted was to feel fulfilled and content. However, something else started whispering to me, completely throwing off my thoughts and feelings and with each passing day, it got louder and louder.

Over the past several years, I've made decisions and disregarded that voice that whispered and screamed until I eventually felt it burning my gut. I ignored it because I saw it as 'doubt' or 'negativity' and I wanted to take risks and leaps of faith. As far as I was concerned, it was a 'feeling' of doubt and fear; a state of mind I actively avoided.

Or so I thought. I really want to be a risk taker, someone who gets on board with decisions that could possibly change the course of my life for the better. I know that with every major decision has the potential to either set flight or come crashing down. I loved the fact that with every decision, I could possibly become a millionaire, or a family man. I got a rush out of being risky with big decisions; actually, now that I look back at the decisions I failed miserably with, I wouldn't have done them any differently.

Even now, I don't see how my thought process and my reasoning was fallible. It seemed concrete, albeit not a recipe for guaranteed success, it felt logical. However, there was a missing component in the logical reasoning I was using to come to conclusions. I was not factoring in my gut feeling. I brushed it off, the same way I tend to brush off my emotions. I put them both my emotions and my gut into the same damn basket.

So, as the month moved on and as the void between my heart and the 'whisper' became wider, I had to retreat from the rituals of daily life to really contemplate what in God's name was going on inside me. Here I was, poised to make a decision that would affect numerous people for a very long time and I had no idea what to do.

Than I realized, the gut feeling was the only real decision maker in this situation, I just needed to find the courage to pull the trigger.

Ahhhhh courage. Usually a term reserved for hero's - but in essence, it's the energy necessary to do the right thing at the right time. It usually sucks the life right out of you once you finally tap into it. Hollywood has bombarded us with notions that courage comes from big burly men that save countless lives from disaster. However, if you think about it, even saying 'no' takes courage. Saying no has become taboo in fear of being defined as someone who isn't supportive or helpful. But really, it is completely necessary to keep your relationships health (friend, work, lovers, etc.)

So, to add some science to the concept of the gut feeling - I did a little research. It's so perplexing that a sensation in your abdomen is telling you what to do, where does this sensation come from and how does it communicate a positive & negative vibe? Long story - short: it is the collective analysis that your subconscious mind makes over an extended period of time. In our waking hours, our subconscious is working over time picking up bits and pieces of information that our eyes and senses may only 'glance' over. Situations that may seem simple and easy may harbour signs and lessons that we don't see. However, over time, your subconscious is a diligent genius taking notes frantically so when its time to pull that trigger and make a serious decision - you have the right tools to work with.

Now, whenever I have a vivid dream with bizarre symbolism, I always viewed that as my subconscious communicating with me. That's one of the numerous ways it speaks to you. Another way (when your awake) when you need to make that courageous decision on the spot, that's when that gut feeling screams at you. You absolutely have to listen to it. Forget your damn heart and what everyone has told you. Your subconscious has been studying the situation and your surroundings for a while and you need to trust it.

In Arabic, the word heart and turnover come from the same root word. Can you bloody-hell believe that?! Do you know why they do? Because that's what heart's do, they're never consistent. You can love your sweetheart today, and want to kick them in the junk tomorrow. It plays a crucial role in your emotional well being, but is definitely a poor decision maker.

So, for the first time in my life I chose my gut over any other sensation in my body and the sense of peace was overwhelming. I was satisfied & content and nothing in the world can give that to you other than you. With every major decision and and junction in life, you grow by leaps and bounds - to take advantage of that growth, trust your gut.


Monday, September 08, 2014

Don't Cling, Be Detached



One of the traits of critical thinkers is their ability to be critiqued and also redefine the way they think. Critical thinking requires a lot of inward reflection. The ability to converse with yourself and constantly challenging your own ideas and thought patterns. It is the capacity to decipher someones harsh words, and the message that they are trying to relay when the topic is sensitive and difficult to listen to (i.e. an argument, debate, criticism, etc.)

I spend a lot of my time looking inward and I am very critical of myself. I am content with the journey that I am on and am sincerely grateful for the struggles I've experienced over the past 3 years. I've lost more in the last 3 years, than the prior 28 years combined. I can count two failed business ventures, every nickle I ever saved, a divorce, and my health. There are many tiny struggles within that massive sense of loss, but there's no need to elaborate; just know that these years tested my resilience.

I reflect back on all that I've lost, and all that I've gained and I regret nothing. I took risks, leaps of faith and failed each time. I put all my funds, and my heart on the line and lost it all. Not because of carelessness or naive behaviour, but because I felt compelled to take risks. With every great risk, there's a sense of hope and a sense of fear and each and every time, I chose hope. You know why, because failure needs to happen.

You need to accept loss as an inevitability in life.

Loss and failure are platforms for better days to come.

Risk taking is making the conscious decision to put something valuable on the line, knowing it can be lost. You are foolish to believe that the outcome will be in your favor, you need to plan as if things will be lost. Only at that point, will you see success in every failure, and only then will loss seem like the greatest gain you can ever make.

How so you ask?

Well, dear reader, I see it from this perspective - when I loose money, the university of life collects it's tuition. The sheer anxiety,anger, sense of loss and panic remap your mind, and give you a greater understanding than any lecture hall could ever give you. I always become a completely different person with loss. I become far more wiser, braver, and more confident with every decision I make whenever I loose something.

When you put your heart on the line and take that leap of faith with love, you are essentially putting your most valuable and personal asset up for grabs to someone who can potentially destroy it for you. You are willing to tell someone "here's my soul, treat it with care" and you do so willingly and naively, but somewhere inside you, the sense of fear lingers. Why wouldn't it? This is something that if treated poorly, can result in sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, mania, and so on. But that sense of hope which love inspires propels you forward because the reward is grand, if the outcome is that which you hoped for.

When the outcome you wished for comes crashing down and the sense of anxiety crushes you - you have two options. Allow it to suffocate you, or barely hold on for dear life. There is no immediate bounce back from such a loss. It treats a great amount of mental and spiritual conditioning to reclaim the rights to your soul. This process takes it and moves it to a higher understand, you see life with much more clarity and you feel a greater sense of wholeness.

You may disagree because many who lost health, wealth, and love sink into despair. However, it is you who allows despair to swallow you whole. It is also you who can scrape by from underneath the crushing pressure of anxiety and keep moving, even if you're just crawling.

This is why I titled this: Don't cling, be detached. Detachment is not that you do not own anything, but nothing worldly owns you (Imam Ali [a.s]). Loose everything worldly and gain so much more spiritual when you employ this way of life.

Every sense of difficult is a right of passage and a push in the direction of becoming a complete and 'whole' human being, who sees life for what it really is - a journey, a dream and race towards death.

Death, being the place where you reflect on that you've done and those whom you've left a legacy with; the one place where you won't count your dollars and won't remember the people who hurt you. It is the one place where you will count the blessings God endowed upon you to give to others.