Monday, July 02, 2012

Love means different things to different people

Dear readers,

I sincerely appologize for the very long time since I last wrote a blog entry. I have been plagued with a disease called "laziness" and it crippled my hands from interpreting the thoughts on to paper. But today is special.

I had an epiphany today and I could not let these thoughts fall through the void of long lost memories. I have been engaged now for over a year and yes, it's been a wonderful experience. In this time frame, it's helped me redefine and better understand this thing called "love".

Before I explain the concept of love, it's important for you to understand that I am rather cynical; however, that does not hinder my ability to see and think in a positive manner. As I come of age, I experiece situations that help me realize that a positive lesson can be derived from a terribly negative situation. However, sometimes its necessary to experience negative feelings to reap positve rewards. Negative experiences are filtered through a positive light in order to make the best out of a difficult situation.

So this "wonderful experence" I mentioned earlier consists of a broad spectrum of emotions. I really must stress that many of the situations you once fantasized about love do come true within marriage. Also, the many situations that you never imagined could happen to you, will certainly, happen to you.

Love is a work in progress.

It is an organism that starts off as an infant that requires tender care and round-the-clock supervision. With age, the type of attention and care you give this "organism" changes; you don't have to pour as much time into it; but, it must be quality.

Love means different things to different people. Each and every person has a curiosity in the mystical science of love and everyone understands it in very different wavelengths. It is a series of emotional impulses that alter the way an individual would think. We all have predetermined ideas of what it is like to be in love and when we finally experience it, we put those ideas into practice. Humans are anxious to put their ideals of love into practice and are convinced that it will bring them contentment and hapiness.

However...

One person's love, could be another person's anxiety. My notion of love may be satisfaction to one person; but to someone else, it could be the most complicated and nerve wrecking experience. Not all types of "love" are compatible.

Does that mean that a couple with clashing love interests can't be together? That's a good question and here are some possible answers and I'm sure all of them apply.

- Love can be manipulated and adjusted to suit the needs of the partner
- Love can be socially hardwired and will always be the same because of it's intense emotional impact
- Incompatible people are able to fall in love with one another, but are unable to satisfy each other's personal concept of love (resulting in a complicated relationship and ending in seperation)

Happy soul mate searching everyone! Tread carefully.


Thursday, September 08, 2011

Visions, Omens, and Inspirations

i looked deeply into my heart and saw the conclusion of this chapter in my life far sooner than it was destined to happen. i look into my soul and see what others fail to see because i ask the all knowing for wisdom and knowledge. i start a chapter, knowing how it will end, and write the story as the days go by. i sometimes wish i didnt know the end far before it ever happens, but than i see it as a blessing because when it happens, the shock is not painful.

i sit and i question my purpose on this planet and wonder what is god's wisdom when he decides to show me the conclusion of the story before it starts. how will it help me write the story? will knowing my end result change my approach to the situation. i don't know, but what i'm sure is that knowing the conclusion too soon is a mixed blessing, it may soften the impact of the outcome, but it never leaves you in a state of anxiety. sometimes, that anxious feeling is an effect driving force for good.

i feel, in my heart, and see in my mind the signs of god informing me of a good or bad situation ahead. a feeling feels distant, and a thought becomes rational when the situation is difficult. when the situation is good, i feel the signs of god warm up my heart and my thoughts become child-like.

i see in my dreams the life of a young 13 year old boy who begun to realize the consequences of inaction and the gains from attempt. i see, in my dreams a world that my heart pursues when my mind is unconscious in the long hours of the work day. could it be that i am witnessing the reality which defines this world? that life lack realism and purpose if you dont spend your hours amasing wisdom and knowledge. these 2 assets expose the truth:

days are short, good work should never be shyed away from, making others feel a sense of self-worth, and ensuring your hours were used wisely are the most important thing to never forget.


Monday, September 05, 2011

Humility, but not too much.




I will always remain true to who I am.
Both imperfections and perfections.
Something's will change about me; other aspects will stay the same.
I am a king in my own mind, and a prince amongst my loved ones.
I will taste death for the sake of honour, and not waste a moment in pursuit of vanity.
God's judgement is sufficient on the day of Judgement; but in the coming years ahead - his lessons manifest through the lessons I learn through people.
I am, at my best, a humble man.
I am, at my worst, an anxious man.
I am, on a daily basis, a man with one thing to prove.
That anyone can do well; anyone can become educated; anyone can ascend; anyone can love; anyone can prosper.
In this life, and the hereafter.
I am, a humble man.
But every so often I loose my humility and exchange it for pride.
This pride be sinful? I'm not sure.
But it is in self-defense; in defense of my humble nature.
I'm tired of being spoken to as if my words have little weight.
I'll honour and respect you, but I ask of you for one favor in return.
Don't you dare stomp on my humility, because it doesn't take kindly to your pride.




Tuesday, August 02, 2011

What we should expect from each other

The other day, I conversed with a friend of mine whom I mentioned in my very first blog post. The discussion was quite dark and filled with emotions that I'd generally shy away from. Him & I, although very different in many respects, share many character traits. We are both pragmatic & put the needs of others ahead of our own; compromise is a tactic we both take seriously and we try our best to be fair. Currently, we are dealing with people who have shared the same oppinion about us:


"you're not the person I thought you were", "I don't think of you the same way I used to", "Things have changed and I don't feel the same way anymore", "Now that I look at us, I feel that this isn't right".


All of these come from setting expectations too soon in the relationship. I always understood this to be dangerous as it sets up that person up for failure. High expectations that are set too soon in a relationship will always come crashing down as we human's tend to be sloppy and lame in our most comfortable state.


For example, the first few months in a new relationship will always seem like heaven. Everything feels perfect & your partner seems like a godsend. When all guards are down & the true character of the person is exposed - all expectations and presumptions about this "perfect" person come crashing down. This may not always be the case, but it certainly is the situation in many crumbling relationships.


The best way to counter this issue is by understanding that the human character is frail & weak. It's vulnerable to imperfections and cannot sustain a glowing review for long period's of time. When you look at the person, you should always expect that you will be impacted by their fallacies and you should endure {if the fallacy is not abusive, destructive, etc.}


I never like to set high expectations, I do realize that human's are chronically imperfect & that chemistry will not always make things harmonious. But what's most important is that issues can be solved with rationale, love & respect dictate the effort put into the outcome, and change is something that should be taken seriously.

In Pictures: The start of Ramadan - In Pictures - Al Jazeera English

In Pictures: The start of Ramadan - In Pictures - Al Jazeera English

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Satisfied, no matter what

I look at my dinner plate, it's not apetizing; but that's fine because it's nourishing.


My job is not challenging anymore, I feel like my skills are under utilized; but that's fine, atleast I'm making money and I'm respected.

My financial situation is rather bleak, so much of my money is spent carelessly; but that's fine, atleast my life is sustained.

My relationship with my wife is rocky and we don't find common ground on pressing issues; but that's fine, we work things out anyway.


My physical health is no where near it's peak, I feel like I can never get a grip on balancing my health; it's alright though, atleast I'm strong & healthy.


Sometimes it seems that I'm missing half of my brain, my memory is hazey at best, and I don't function at the speed I need to; not a big issue, I can still process complex ideas.


My mother is growing heavily dependant on me, I don't know if I have the patience and tollerance to maintain this complicated relationship; it's all good though, atleast we love each other and things will work out.


Spiritually, I'm far behind my peak. Knowledge and inner peace is what I was known for, now I feel like my thoughts and feelings wander off into foolish pleasures; but that's alright, what was once lost, can be reclaimed with forgiveness.


My relationship with my father is at a stalemate. We've mutually acknowledged we're not as close as we use to be, and it's consistently growing distant; relationships change & sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder.


I have no degree of self discipline; it's a constant struggle, there's always room for improvement, even as you inch nearer to death.


So many of my dreams & ambitions are not materializing due to my poor life management skills, I'm tired of my lack-lusture behaviour; don't worry, at some point, they'll flourish when they're meant to.


I'm worried about my future, I don't want to live vicariously in the sins of my forefathers; don't worry, you are in God's care.


Al Hamdulilah {praise & thanks to the Almighty} I'm satisfied.


For without doubt, with the rememberance of Allah, do hearts find satisfaction. (Quran, 13:28)

Friday, July 02, 2010

The Master Story Teller

I sat with an elderly woman one evening as she narrated a story that seared through me. She was a rather calm woman, but radiated an energy that spoke of a past laden with wisdom. She was dressed in a very simple black gown and a white scarf flowed over her hair. Her stare would drive through the staunches of men while plaguing anyone with a sense of fear; but it was a fear that drew you near with curiousity.

I listened closely and she began,

"A man was making his sacred pilgrimage to the afterlife - he was dressed in a white shroud and lowered slowly into the earth while his loved ones starred. He was well aware of what was happening and witnessed everyone's unique actions. Some cried, others starred into the distance, several wailed and many breathed deeply. He was a man that was well respected and evoked the emotions of all those he touched.

He clenched tightly with him a book of history. It appeared to be a source of comfort as he lay lifeless in earth that grew tighter with every passing moment. He was then approached by a group of strange looking beings; looked similar to humans but their race & gender could not be distinguished. They asked him a number of questions and each one he answered in the affirmative.

Then passed years and events that struck degrees of peace and anxiety and within a matter of moments, he stood alone in a place that dumbfounded him. It wasn't bound by the elements, and time was not an issue. He clenched that book of history with his dear life and was soon approached by a few men cloaked in gowns made from something other than cloth. It appeared that they were entirely enshrouded in a pleasant warm light. They looked at him and said,

"What's that you have clenched so tightly?"

He said, "it's a book I was given as I was breathing my last"

The 2 men looked at him, smiled and said, "a story perhaps? We are not bound by time anymore, would you mind reading it to us?"

He than realized that it was the day he heard so much about. The day that many people thought was just an old myth. He now realized this was a day that was the definition of reality; it was his judgment.

He started to ease his grip on the book and looked at the front cover; it was bound by brown leather and had no title - but his name was inscribed in tiny gold letters at the bottom right hand corner. He opened it began to read as the 2 men listened carefully to every detail. He spoke of all things beautiful, embarrassing, deceitful, painful, treacherous, glorious, difficult, comical, shameful, enlightening, fearful, and finally anxiety stricken.

He closed the book and the two men stood up and uttered a plea to their Master,

"We seek to intercede on behalf of this believer. We ask, in all humility, to forgive him of his transgressions and show him your highest degree of mercy. He toiled and slaved without asking for any reward. We request that you overlook his shortcomings and give him the pleasure of your nearness. His words and actions matured with his years until they eventually reached harmony. His sins are a plenty - but his good deeds reached the hearts of many and he has sown the seeds of belief in the land that flourished even after he journeyed to the afterlife. Dear Master, do you accept?"

At this point, the elderly woman stopped narrating the story and looked towards me and said,

"do you see the value of this story?"

"What is it?" I uttered.

"Nothing goes to the grave with you, except your story. Your history, your deeds, words, actions and intentions are the only possessions worthy of your toil. Journey to the afterlife with that book clenched tightly, because your story will be your only asset."

You are a Humble Queen Amongst Peasants



Thank you for reminding me of my humanity,
Much gratitude for the blessed wisdom aged with humility,
Vulnerable is what you are,
Reduced to my knees is what I've become,
My heart fills my body with serenity and extacy,
I beg for freedom from bliss,
knowing, knowing, oh dear Lord, such bitter knowledge
Bliss that will never manifest and reduced to emotionless memory - destined to fade into nothingness
From the guiding light of heaven, my heart begs the question - what ever have I done to be given the taste of bliss - knowing I'll never drown in its extasy.
For the sake of perspective,
my mind recieved inspiration as such
Grateful am I - for life is grand.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Breaking the Wall


Running is incredibly boring for the average person. Taking strides, street after street can be very unstimulating for some. Then there are people who appreciate the freedom of long distance running. It's your time to get a lot of thinking done while you train yourself to run longer and harder. It's the hour of freedom from the world as you zero in on your body; your brain chanting and motivating you to run harder and to never quit.

Us runners are aware of something, it's called the wall. It's the point of complete physical exhaustion. You try to run & your body refuses to move. Your mind's prowess cannot overcome the intimidating wall & you essentially give up. Some people carry on walking, other try to run & it's usually embarrassing.

However, in the midst of all your exhaustion and pain as you try to move past the wall - it suddenly shatters under its own weight & heroically, you blast off as if you were at the peak of your endurance. This is the golden moment for us runners - where our minds have given up - our bodies have haulted & in a short second - you've igniting and taken off like a wolf.

As you're aware, this is all metaphor for my topic of discussion: it is, "surpassing your limitations" - I will write more tomorrow as for now, I'm exhausted.