Visions, Omens, and Inspirations

i looked deeply into my heart and saw the conclusion of this chapter in my life far sooner than it was destined to happen. i look into my soul and see what others fail to see because i ask the all knowing for wisdom and knowledge. i start a chapter, knowing how it will end, and write the story as the days go by. i sometimes wish i didnt know the end far before it ever happens, but than i see it as a blessing because when it happens, the shock is not painful.

i sit and i question my purpose on this planet and wonder what is god's wisdom when he decides to show me the conclusion of the story before it starts. how will it help me write the story? will knowing my end result change my approach to the situation. i don't know, but what i'm sure is that knowing the conclusion too soon is a mixed blessing, it may soften the impact of the outcome, but it never leaves you in a state of anxiety. sometimes, that anxious feeling is an effect driving force for good.

i feel, in my heart, and see in my mind the signs of god informing me of a good or bad situation ahead. a feeling feels distant, and a thought becomes rational when the situation is difficult. when the situation is good, i feel the signs of god warm up my heart and my thoughts become child-like.

i see in my dreams the life of a young 13 year old boy who begun to realize the consequences of inaction and the gains from attempt. i see, in my dreams a world that my heart pursues when my mind is unconscious in the long hours of the work day. could it be that i am witnessing the reality which defines this world? that life lack realism and purpose if you dont spend your hours amasing wisdom and knowledge. these 2 assets expose the truth:

days are short, good work should never be shyed away from, making others feel a sense of self-worth, and ensuring your hours were used wisely are the most important thing to never forget.

Humility, but not too much.

I will always remain true to who I am.
Both imperfections and perfections.
Something's will change about me; other aspects will stay the same.
I am a king in my own mind, and a prince amongst my loved ones.
I will taste death for the sake of honour, and not waste a moment in pursuit of vanity.
God's judgement is sufficient on the day of Judgement; but in the coming years ahead - his lessons manifest through the lessons I learn through people.
I am, at my best, a humble man.
I am, at my worst, an anxious man.
I am, on a daily basis, a man with one thing to prove.
That anyone can do well; anyone can become educated; anyone can ascend; anyone can love; anyone can prosper.
In this life, and the hereafter.
I am, a humble man.
But every so often I loose my humility and exchange it for pride.
This pride be sinful? I'm not sure.
But it is in self-defense; in defense of my humble nature.
I'm tired of being spoken to as if my words have little weight.
I'll honour and respect you, but I ask of you for one favor in return.
Don't you dare stomp on my humility, because it doesn't take kindly to your pride.

What we should expect from each other

The other day, I conversed with a friend of mine whom I mentioned in my very first blog post. The discussion was quite dark and filled with emotions that I'd generally shy away from. Him & I, although very different in many respects, share many character traits. We are both pragmatic & put the needs of others ahead of our own; compromise is a tactic we both take seriously and we try our best to be fair. Currently, we are dealing with people who have shared the same oppinion about us:

"you're not the person I thought you were", "I don't think of you the same way I used to", "Things have changed and I don't feel the same way anymore", "Now that I look at us, I feel that this isn't right".

All of these come from setting expectations too soon in the relationship. I always understood this to be dangerous as it sets up that person up for failure. High expectations that are set too soon in a relationship will always come crashing down as we human's tend to be sloppy and lame in our most comfortable state.

For example, the first few months in a new relationship will always seem like heaven. Everything feels perfect & your partner seems like a godsend. When all guards are down & the true character of the person is exposed - all expectations and presumptions about this "perfect" person come crashing down. This may not always be the case, but it certainly is the situation in many crumbling relationships.

The best way to counter this issue is by understanding that the human character is frail & weak. It's vulnerable to imperfections and cannot sustain a glowing review for long period's of time. When you look at the person, you should always expect that you will be impacted by their fallacies and you should endure {if the fallacy is not abusive, destructive, etc.}

I never like to set high expectations, I do realize that human's are chronically imperfect & that chemistry will not always make things harmonious. But what's most important is that issues can be solved with rationale, love & respect dictate the effort put into the outcome, and change is something that should be taken seriously.

In Pictures: The start of Ramadan - In Pictures - Al Jazeera English

In Pictures: The start of Ramadan - In Pictures - Al Jazeera English

Satisfied, no matter what

I look at my dinner plate, it's not apetizing; but that's fine because it's nourishing.

My job is not challenging anymore, I feel like my skills are under utilized; but that's fine, atleast I'm making money and I'm respected.

My financial situation is rather bleak, so much of my money is spent carelessly; but that's fine, atleast my life is sustained.

My relationship with my wife is rocky and we don't find common ground on pressing issues; but that's fine, we work things out anyway.

My physical health is no where near it's peak, I feel like I can never get a grip on balancing my health; it's alright though, atleast I'm strong & healthy.

Sometimes it seems that I'm missing half of my brain, my memory is hazey at best, and I don't function at the speed I need to; not a big issue, I can still process complex ideas.

My mother is growing heavily dependant on me, I don't know if I have the patience and tollerance to maintain this complicated relationship; it's all good though, atleast we love each other and things will work out.

Spiritually, I'm far behind my peak. Knowledge and inner peace is what I was known for, now I feel like my thoughts and feelings wander off into foolish pleasures; but that's alright, what was once lost, can be reclaimed with forgiveness.

My relationship with my father is at a stalemate. We've mutually acknowledged we're not as close as we use to be, and it's consistently growing distant; relationships change & sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I have no degree of self discipline; it's a constant struggle, there's always room for improvement, even as you inch nearer to death.

So many of my dreams & ambitions are not materializing due to my poor life management skills, I'm tired of my lack-lusture behaviour; don't worry, at some point, they'll flourish when they're meant to.

I'm worried about my future, I don't want to live vicariously in the sins of my forefathers; don't worry, you are in God's care.

Al Hamdulilah {praise & thanks to the Almighty} I'm satisfied.

For without doubt, with the rememberance of Allah, do hearts find satisfaction. (Quran, 13:28)