tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-329257052024-03-13T12:08:04.635-04:00Perspectives of a Canadian-Lebanese HumanGoing to last longer than your friends. Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-54635629630812110972015-01-25T23:08:00.000-05:002015-01-25T23:09:45.389-05:00Reining in those Crazy Emotions.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJf9Ntxssh20_FtThENnl-DsiMS7I7O0LCkmXugm2KMDf9qFXmDeCLTv9-v1oXl2KojS2SPUIjHXuyOJlxywhwtAdFXw6gdTrEp34yA3angcYx1X4VrGhpKxsExdkByMAHqA47wg/s1600/Emotions-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJf9Ntxssh20_FtThENnl-DsiMS7I7O0LCkmXugm2KMDf9qFXmDeCLTv9-v1oXl2KojS2SPUIjHXuyOJlxywhwtAdFXw6gdTrEp34yA3angcYx1X4VrGhpKxsExdkByMAHqA47wg/s1600/Emotions-2.jpg" height="209" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I’ve written a fair bit about how you should keep the heart
& mind separate when it comes to decision making and understanding how to
sort out your life. It makes sense, doesn’t it? But now I’m beginning to think
otherwise. I won’t throw my old theories out the window – they’re still valid,
but maybe they aren’t as sure footed as I initially thought they were. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As days more forward, I feel that the heart and mind are too
heavily intertwined to be separated. There is no possible way to separate your
emotions from your thought process. Emotions are strong as they are meant to
be. Strong emotions bring people together and make us experience life in the
way it was meant to be experienced. Imagine not being able to love deeply or
feel sad when someone close passes away?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As crucial as emotions are to driving you to progress they
can be equally counterproductive to making progress. We can’t deny that you
need to be passionate about something to succeed at it. But being distracted by
emotions is a major problem that everyone has had to struggle with.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I grow, I realize more and more what aspects of my
character are dynamic and what aspects are static. I know that I’m an emotional
person and realize that situations that stirred my emotions as a teen have a
similar effect on me now. Not everything, no; but, many things are the same and
I’ve embraced that. However, if I allow these emotions distract me, than they
will surely steer me clear of the progress I am determined to make. My
determination is emotional – a lack of determination is a lack of passion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So there’s a complex balancing act that needs to be
practiced in order to ensure that you are successful at attaining what you
want. When these emotions start, they always furious and aggressive as they
need to be. These emotions that are wild and free need to be reined in and
managed. However, like an undomesticated animal that is averse to human touch,
your emotions will always have the instinct to return to their wild roots.
Containing your emotions while still utilizing them in order to achieve your
goals seems counter intuitive; but absolutely necessary. The only tool you can
use to contain these emotions is your mind. Your quiet time before your day
starts and just before it ends are some of the most important moments of the
day. Early morning meditation and late evening contemplation are what make your
emotions balanced and centered. The idea of meditating before sunrise to set
goals as to how you want to behave, perform and react will definitely make your
day much more tranquil. On the flip side, reflecting on everything you’ve said
and done during the day just before you go to bed will work miracles in
controlling your emotions. These tangible practices lie in three spiritual essences;
patience, humility & focused thought. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You will fail 100 times before you finally rein in on your
emotions and use them to your advantage. But don’t worry, failing is a blessing
in disguise if you look hard enough. </div>
Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-55134224404542975812015-01-01T12:17:00.000-05:002015-01-01T12:17:17.966-05:00That Gut Feeling You Get<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Take a seat in the corner of your room in total silence and contemplate that everyone you meet is either going through something difficult or will experience it at some point in their lives. We have a tendency to think that the world revolves around us and no one really gets how we feel or comprehends our day-to-day struggles. I can promise you that everyone you will ever meet will share a story or situation that you can relate to<br />
<br />
They'll share some words of wisdom that will help as you journey on. I find that wisdom plays a very important role in your capacity to articulate your thoughts and feelings. As well, humility is equally important when listening to what <u>sincere</u> people have to say. I stress the word <u>sincere</u> because there are many people you come across that will spew (mostly) rubbish. Therefore, wisdom is to speech what humility is to listening; you cannot be confident in what you have to say unless you've delved into it AND you cannot take anyone else's words seriously unless you have the humility to squash your own preconceived notions.<br />
<br />
So in this letter, I will need you to be humble because I am confident that you will not agree with me. What I've experienced is something that defined the next leg of my life's journey and if I didn't listen to my gut, the remainder of my life would be very different.<br />
<br />
That gut feeling...<br />
<br />
Dear Lord that gut feeling that wakes you up at night and tears apart your insides. That feeling that feels so certain, but sometimes seems so hazy that you have to search for it, although its screaming at you.<br />
<br />
That gut feeling...<br />
<br />
The sensation you have burning a hole in your abdomen when you absolutely have to make a decision that could possibly direct your next course of action. You're never really sure how it got there and why you feel it, but its there and you have to obey it. <br />
<br />
Just recently, I was torn about a decision that it was the central theme to my life for a month. Day and night, I had only one thought in my mind and I had no idea which side to take, my heart, or the....other confusing feeling I sensed in my gut. My heart was screaming yes and the only thing it wanted was to feel fulfilled and content. However, something else started whispering to me, completely throwing off my thoughts and feelings and with each passing day, it got louder and louder.<br />
<br />
Over the past several years, I've made decisions and disregarded that voice that whispered and screamed until I eventually felt it burning my gut. I ignored it because I saw it as 'doubt' or 'negativity' and I wanted to take risks and leaps of faith. As far as I was concerned, it was a 'feeling' of doubt and fear; a state of mind I actively avoided.<br />
<br />
Or so I thought. I really want to be a risk taker, someone who gets on board with decisions that could possibly change the course of my life for the better. I know that with every major decision has the potential to either set flight or come crashing down. I loved the fact that with every decision, I could possibly become a millionaire, or a family man. I got a rush out of being risky with big decisions; actually, now that I look back at the decisions I failed miserably with, I wouldn't have done them any differently. <br />
<br />
Even now, I don't see how my thought process and my reasoning was fallible. It seemed concrete, albeit not a recipe for guaranteed success, it felt logical. However, there was a missing component in the logical reasoning I was using to come to conclusions. I was not factoring in my gut feeling. I brushed it off, the same way I tend to brush off my emotions. I put them both my emotions and my gut into the same damn basket. <br />
<br />
So, as the month moved on and as the void between my heart and the 'whisper' became wider, I had to retreat from the rituals of daily life to really contemplate what in God's name was going on inside me. Here I was, poised to make a decision that would affect numerous people for a very long time and I had no idea what to do. <br />
<br />
Than I realized, the gut feeling was the only real decision maker in this situation, I just needed to find the courage to pull the trigger.<br />
<br />
Ahhhhh courage. Usually a term reserved for hero's - but in essence, it's the energy necessary to do the right thing at the right time. It usually sucks the life right out of you once you finally tap into it. Hollywood has bombarded us with notions that courage comes from big burly men that save countless lives from disaster. However, if you think about it, even saying 'no' takes courage. Saying no has become taboo in fear of being defined as someone who isn't supportive or helpful. But really, it is completely necessary to keep your relationships health (friend, work, lovers, etc.)<br />
<br />
So, to add some science to the concept of the gut feeling - I did a little research. It's so perplexing that a sensation in your abdomen is telling you what to do, where does this sensation come from and how does it communicate a positive & negative vibe? Long story - short: it is the collective analysis that your subconscious mind makes over an extended period of time. In our waking hours, our subconscious is working over time picking up bits and pieces of information that our eyes and senses may only 'glance' over. Situations that may seem simple and easy may harbour signs and lessons that we don't see. However, over time, your subconscious is a diligent genius taking notes frantically so when its time to pull that trigger and make a serious decision - you have the right tools to work with.<br />
<br />
Now, whenever I have a vivid dream with bizarre symbolism, I always viewed that as my subconscious communicating with me. That's one of the numerous ways it speaks to you. Another way (when your awake) when you need to make that courageous decision on the spot, that's when that gut feeling screams at you. You absolutely have to listen to it. Forget your damn heart and what everyone has told you. Your subconscious has been studying the situation and your surroundings for a while and you need to trust it.<br />
<br />
In Arabic, the word <b>heart</b> and <b>turnover</b> come from the same root word. Can you bloody-hell believe that?! Do you know why they do? Because that's what heart's do, they're never consistent. You can love your sweetheart today, and want to kick them in the junk tomorrow. It plays a crucial role in your emotional well being, but is definitely a poor decision maker. <br />
<br />
So, for the first time in my life I chose my gut over any other sensation in my body and the sense of peace was overwhelming. I was satisfied & content and nothing in the world can give that to you other than you. With every major decision and and junction in life, you grow by leaps and bounds - to take advantage of that growth, trust your gut. <br />
<br />
<br />Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-78196759506898236692014-09-08T23:44:00.001-04:002014-09-08T23:44:10.301-04:00Don't Cling, Be Detached<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
One of the traits of critical thinkers is their ability to be critiqued and also redefine the way they think. Critical thinking requires a lot of inward reflection. The ability to converse with yourself and constantly challenging your own ideas and thought patterns. It is the capacity to decipher someones harsh words, and the message that they are trying to relay when the topic is sensitive and difficult to listen to (i.e. an argument, debate, criticism, etc.)<br />
<br />
I spend a lot of my time looking inward and I am very critical of myself. I am content with the journey that I am on and am sincerely grateful for the struggles I've experienced over the past 3 years. I've lost more in the last 3 years, than the prior 28 years combined. I can count two failed business ventures, every nickle I ever saved, a divorce, and my health. There are many tiny struggles within that massive sense of loss, but there's no need to elaborate; just know that these years tested my resilience.<br />
<br />
I reflect back on all that I've lost, and all that I've gained and <b>I regret nothing</b>. I took risks, leaps of faith and failed each time. I put all my funds, and my heart on the line and lost it all. Not because of carelessness or naive behaviour, but because I felt compelled to take risks. With every great risk, there's a sense of hope and a sense of fear and each and every time, I chose hope. You know why, because <b>failure needs to happen</b>.<br />
<br />
You need to accept loss as an inevitability in life.<br />
<br />
Loss and failure are platforms for better days to come. <br />
<br />
Risk taking is making the conscious decision to put something valuable on the line, knowing it can be lost. You are foolish to believe that the outcome will be in your favor, you need to plan as if things will be lost. Only at that point, will you see success in every failure, and only then will loss seem like the greatest gain you can ever make.<br />
<br />
How so you ask?<br />
<br />
Well, dear reader, I see it from this perspective - when I loose money, the university of life collects it's tuition. The sheer anxiety,anger, sense of loss and panic remap your mind, and give you a greater understanding than any lecture hall could ever give you. I always become a completely different person with loss. I become far more wiser, braver, and more confident with every decision I make whenever I loose something.<br />
<br />
When you put your heart on the line and take that leap of faith with love, you are essentially putting your most valuable and personal asset up for grabs to someone who can potentially destroy it for you. You are willing to tell someone "here's my soul, treat it with care" and you do so willingly and naively, but somewhere inside you, the sense of fear lingers. Why wouldn't it? This is something that if treated poorly, can result in sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, mania, and so on. But that sense of hope which love inspires propels you forward because the reward is grand, if the outcome is that which you hoped for.<br />
<br />
When the outcome you wished for comes crashing down and the sense of anxiety crushes you - you have two options. Allow it to suffocate you, or barely hold on for dear life. There is no immediate bounce back from such a loss. It treats a great amount of mental and spiritual conditioning to reclaim the rights to your soul. This process takes it and moves it to a higher understand, you see life with much more clarity and you feel a greater sense of wholeness.<br />
<br />
You may disagree because many who lost health, wealth, and love sink into despair. However, it is you who allows despair to swallow you whole. It is also you who can scrape by from underneath the crushing pressure of anxiety and keep moving, even if you're just crawling. <br />
<br />
This is why I titled this: Don't cling, be detached. Detachment is not that you do not own anything, but nothing worldly owns you (Imam Ali [a.s]). Loose everything worldly and gain so much more spiritual when you employ this way of life.<br />
<br />
Every sense of difficult is a right of passage and a push in the direction of becoming a complete and 'whole' human being, who sees life for what it really is - a journey, a dream and race towards death.<br />
<br />
Death, being the place where you reflect on that you've done and those whom you've left a legacy with; the one place where you won't count your dollars and won't remember the people who hurt you. It is the one place where you will count the blessings God endowed upon you to give to others.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-73914299179566227832014-09-07T21:11:00.002-04:002014-09-08T16:11:27.525-04:00Contentment Vs. Happiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtm9EKBSAmSjIJ3rUXebRvvDiD9bh5T0TmSl3cEZd9LiJhj4om1iWEFdJk_N1u-DJIcaxIOA2bfaBT9brtmylb68fievr0s24WwVoQ6T1up-lOHetLbNj4OxuO6gIfLvxKGsEWpg/s1600/Contentment_by_KrisCynical.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtm9EKBSAmSjIJ3rUXebRvvDiD9bh5T0TmSl3cEZd9LiJhj4om1iWEFdJk_N1u-DJIcaxIOA2bfaBT9brtmylb68fievr0s24WwVoQ6T1up-lOHetLbNj4OxuO6gIfLvxKGsEWpg/s1600/Contentment_by_KrisCynical.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I found myself speaking to a friend about the need for happiness in one's life. The topic was very sensitive as the person was contemplating on sticking to a new affair and was adamant about leaving their partner of 10 years citing a lack of happiness. I had the answer ready, but couldn't articulate it effectively enough to get my point across. Even though I wasn't satisfied with my answer, the person decided to ditch the affair and work on the long-term relationship that was in dire need of attention.<br />
<br />
Where do I start? Happiness seems to be everyone's prime goal in life. So many people have expressed their need to find happiness. People tend to miss-cite the Buddhist philosophy that 'achieving happiness" is the ultimate goal in life. Nothing is wrong with being happy; however - in a world of short attention spans and the need for constant stimulation, <b>we've bastardized the concept of happiness to be the search of short term high's</b> (or more appropriately termed as 'stimulation'). <br />
<br />
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I find that us, living here in North America, forgot how to search for spiritual belonging, nevertheless being able to find it. We don't even know what to look for when we're trying to find the core of our 'being', the core of our 'existence'. However, whether or not you believe in concept of a 'soul', its exists and needs to be fed. These short term high's (our misunderstanding of happiness) to the soul is like the 'simple-carbs' to your body. It feeds your body quickly, you feel full, but you're hungry in no time. They certainly play a role in being a healthy individual, but if you lived off of simple carbs, you'd be unhealthy, fat, and lack any strength.<br />
<br />
THE SAME with feeding your body with these stim-pack high's we think are true happiness. There's nothing wrong with a quick fix stimulation, that's why we have sex, laughs, beach-days and cute baby ducks. However, you can't keep feeding your self those temp-high's because your soul will be malnourished and you'll be miserable and clinically depressed as the years move on.<br />
<br />
Now, there's something much deeper than happiness that will nourish your soul and keep it satisfied indefinitely; <b>contentment</b>. The sense of satisfaction with who you are and where you are in life. If you're not satisfied with where you are, than at least satisfied that you're on a journey to self-satisfaction. The ability to be by yourself and <b>not</b> feel a sense of boredom by virtue of being at peace with your thoughts. Being patient with the trials and tribulations that you experience; knowing that these are a 'right-of-passage' to make you a more 'complete' human being.<br />
<br />
Being content is being satisfied with who you are, your current state and where you're going. Contentment is having the foresight to know that your journey through life will be a beautiful one and that if you are not satisfied with where you're going, that you will make the effort to chart a new path. <br />
<br />
You will begin to see life from an entirely new perspective. Contentment is knowing that you will certainly experience hardship, you will certainly experience difficulty, you will certainly be let down, but you know that it's all for the sake of actualizing the person whom you've figured out you need to be.<br />
<br />
Being content is being self-fulfilled; you are not bothered or swayed by the petty murmurs of laymen and the silly discourse of the those who have nothing valuable to say.<br />
<br />
Contentment and inner peace come from your understanding that you are part of God's united and complete ecosystem of existence and remembing God gives you a sense of belonging, and where you're going.<br />
<br />
This, my dear reader - is the foundation to true happiness. Contentment keeps you neutral and at peace when there's a void of happiness (for whatever reason). However, when you're happy you're ecstatic, but when times are tough, you're fiercely positive<br />
<br />
When you have contentment, everything and anything is a source of happiness for you. You become happy at the slightest thought of something or someone you love.<br />
<br />
<b>However, we've developed such a high tolerance to the stim-pack high's we're using to fulfill our need for happiness, that contentment comes off as boredom and sadness. </b><br />
<br />
This is the modern day malady, <b>the lack of soul and contentment.</b><br />
<br />
Take contentment seriously, take the time and be patient as you figure out who you truly are and where you belong.<br />
<br />
As a Muslim, I use to believe that God was directly involved in my life. I still believe so, but in a very different way. - The way God involved himself in your life was that he gave you a brain and he gave you a soul. <b>Use them to your advantage.</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-39801549998213477652014-09-06T21:17:00.001-04:002014-09-06T21:20:10.286-04:00The Bear & the Butterfly<div class="MsoNormal">
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<u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIvM26nCHqJPcsyxPEWi_0KE2EtFop7_ikDraOjBC2SI9rP-XlS-AQaIR5Qa0Xqz6koE8EZ9ZXnMIYGbWdx-OBmB8Xff7a_6iJEP7cbhXj03-D8OsgMPoa9PcpnydquX9fMAQl-w/s1600/104464.323388.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIvM26nCHqJPcsyxPEWi_0KE2EtFop7_ikDraOjBC2SI9rP-XlS-AQaIR5Qa0Xqz6koE8EZ9ZXnMIYGbWdx-OBmB8Xff7a_6iJEP7cbhXj03-D8OsgMPoa9PcpnydquX9fMAQl-w/s1600/104464.323388.jpg" height="315" width="400" /></a></u></div>
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<u><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></u><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Naïve, and
curious; the usual combination of emotions when love begins to flourish between
two people. You look deep in to your own hearts wondering what is it that
pulled you in closer to this one person that may possibly be by your side until
after everyone leaves you. A sense of worry lingers in your mind not knowing if
the leap-of-faith you’ve made will result in the desired outcome. It may be the
best thing that ever happened to you, or it could be the reason why your story
turns into a tragedy. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Picturesque
was the setting; the glory and fragrance of late spring. In the surroundings is
the untamed wild and within it, a retreat that is quiet and secluded. Two
people who barley know each other, resting quietly in their room, both equally
curious as to what the other feels. No one really knows, but their naïve hearts
are too focused on what goodness may unfold. No questions are ever asked, only
the exchange of eye contact, laughs and a sense of shyness.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They
even shied away from asking questions within themselves, worried that their
rationale would hurt their sapling of love. The curiosity and the infatuation
were sufficient to keep them playful and happy. Than the rush of emotions and
curiosity unravel with gentle conversation about petty topics. Simple
philosophies are exchanged and the attempt to bring each other’s heart even
closer with topics of similar interests, looking for anything that would
justify their sense of love-at-first-sight. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
angels looked onwards to see if they would take that leap of faith and let go
of their fear of the unknown. The fear that their longing for love would end in
misery. Little did they know that a bear so grand and ruthless was lurking at
their door. Angry and ravenous did it claw at their secluded life. Their sense of
panic and fear dispersed them as they sought shelter; only to realize after
moments of anxiety that it was a moth trying to escape. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In their minds, their sense of fear took precedence
and cause a stir, but in hindsight they laughed at their foolishness. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At that
moment, did they realize that the leap of faith they needed to find happiness was
much simpler than smaller than their fears had led them to believe. It wasn’t
so much of a leap, rather it was just a step forward in the direction of love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Forget
all of the whispers of others, the naysayers will always cause a stir. Focus on
what your heart tells you even if the bear claws angrily. Because fear is
but a figment of your imagination – no need to heed.</div>
Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-49750389108697759772012-07-02T10:12:00.002-04:002014-09-10T21:21:05.966-04:00Love means different things to different peopleDear readers,<br />
<br />
I sincerely appologize for the very long time since I last wrote a blog entry. I have been plagued with a disease called "laziness" and it crippled my hands from interpreting the thoughts on to paper. But today is special.<br />
<br />
I had an epiphany today and I could not let these thoughts fall through the void of long lost memories. I have been engaged now for over a year and yes, it's been a wonderful experience. In this time frame, it's helped me redefine and better understand this thing called "love".<br />
<br />
Before I explain the concept of love, it's important for you to understand that I am rather cynical; however, that does not hinder my ability to see and think in a positive manner. As I come of age, I experiece situations that help me realize that a positive lesson can be derived from a terribly negative situation. However, sometimes its necessary to experience negative feelings to reap positve rewards. Negative experiences are filtered through a positive light in order to make the best out of a difficult situation.<br />
<br />
So this "wonderful experence" I mentioned earlier consists of a broad spectrum of emotions. I really must stress that many of the situations you once fantasized about love do come true within marriage. Also, the many situations that you never imagined could happen to you, will certainly, <strong>happen to you.</strong><br />
<br />
<strong>Love is a work in progress. </strong><br />
<br />
<strong>It is an organism</strong> that starts off as an infant that requires tender care and round-the-clock supervision. With age, the type of attention and care you give this "organism" changes; you don't have to pour as much time into it; but, it must be quality.<br />
<br />
<strong>Love means different things to different people. </strong>Each and every person has a curiosity in the mystical science of love and everyone understands it in very different wavelengths. It is a series of emotional impulses that alter the way an individual would think. We all have predetermined ideas of what it is like to be in love and when we finally experience it, we put those ideas into practice. Humans are anxious to put their ideals of love into practice and are convinced that it will bring them contentment and happiness.<br />
<br />
However...<br />
<br />
One person's love, could be another person's anxiety. My notion of love may be satisfaction to one person; but to someone else, it could be the most complicated and nerve wrecking experience. Not all types of "love" are compatible.<br />
<br />
Does that mean that a couple with clashing love interests can't be together? That's a good question and here are some possible answers and I'm sure all of them apply.<br />
<br />
- Love can be manipulated and adjusted to suit the needs of the partner<br />
- Love can be socially hardwired and will always be the same because of it's intense emotional impact<br />
- Incompatible people are able to fall in love with one another, but are unable to satisfy each other's personal concept of love (resulting in a complicated relationship and ending in seperation)<br />
<br />
Happy soul mate searching everyone! Tread carefully.<br />
<br />
<br />Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-58472091908094893102011-09-08T01:31:00.002-04:002011-09-08T01:58:25.499-04:00Visions, Omens, and Inspirationsi looked deeply into my heart and saw the conclusion of this chapter in my life far sooner than it was destined to happen. i look into my soul and see what others fail to see because i ask the all knowing for wisdom and knowledge. i start a chapter, knowing how it will end, and write the story as the days go by. i sometimes wish i didnt know the end far before it ever happens, but than i see it as a blessing because when it happens, the shock is not painful.<div><br /></div><div>i sit and i question my purpose on this planet and wonder what is god's wisdom when he decides to show me the conclusion of the story before it starts. how will it help me write the story? will knowing my end result change my approach to the situation. i don't know, but what i'm sure is that knowing the conclusion too soon is a mixed blessing, it may soften the impact of the outcome, but it never leaves you in a state of anxiety. sometimes, that anxious feeling is an effect driving force for good.</div><div><br /></div><div>i feel, in my heart, and see in my mind the signs of god informing me of a good or bad situation ahead. a feeling feels distant, and a thought becomes rational when the situation is difficult. when the situation is good, i feel the signs of god warm up my heart and my thoughts become child-like.</div><div><br /></div><div>i see in my dreams the life of a young 13 year old boy who begun to realize the consequences of inaction and the gains from attempt. i see, in my dreams a world that my heart pursues when my mind is unconscious in the long hours of the work day. could it be that i am witnessing the reality which defines this world? that life lack realism and purpose if you dont spend your hours amasing wisdom and knowledge. these 2 assets expose the truth: </div><div><br /></div><div>days are short, good work should never be shyed away from, making others feel a sense of self-worth, and ensuring your hours were used wisely are the most important thing to never forget.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-29891078653587217432011-09-05T03:40:00.003-04:002011-09-05T04:09:42.055-04:00Humility, but not too much.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMUUBLXlnyou-3OyF2wL3QAFdVNMqYneX8KCCjlknCRdR0DxV3b0ujePECISN71MGtgDVi_Fpc9CSs-9otMF1tI9SbTyu10xitKXj0KhgHdvCoUkX-KGr-7hdS8BfDDjqAyXhf/s1600/Arctic+Wolf.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMUUBLXlnyou-3OyF2wL3QAFdVNMqYneX8KCCjlknCRdR0DxV3b0ujePECISN71MGtgDVi_Fpc9CSs-9otMF1tI9SbTyu10xitKXj0KhgHdvCoUkX-KGr-7hdS8BfDDjqAyXhf/s320/Arctic+Wolf.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5648784532268460514" border="0" /></a>
<br />
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<br />I will always remain true to who I am.
<br />Both imperfections and perfections.
<br />Something's will change about me; other aspects will stay the same.
<br />I am a king in my own mind, and a prince amongst my loved ones.
<br />I will taste death for the sake of honour, and not waste a moment in pursuit of vanity.
<br />God's judgement is sufficient on the day of Judgement; but in the coming years ahead - his lessons manifest through the lessons I learn through people.
<br />I am, at my best, a humble man.
<br />I am, at my worst, an anxious man.
<br />I am, on a daily basis, a man with one thing to prove.
<br />That anyone can do well; anyone can become educated; anyone can ascend; anyone can love; anyone can prosper.
<br />In this life, and the hereafter.
<br />I am, a humble man.
<br />But every so often I loose my humility and exchange it for pride.
<br />This pride be sinful? I'm not sure.
<br />But it is in self-defense; in defense of my humble nature.
<br />I'm tired of being spoken to as if my words have little weight.
<br />I'll honour and respect you, but I ask of you for one favor in return.
<br />Don't you dare stomp on my humility, because it doesn't take kindly to your pride.
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<br />Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-36338010135312589822011-08-02T11:24:00.004-04:002011-08-02T12:00:16.343-04:00What we should expect from each other<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKT_RWoe7AAbeF2tti34pTG_fc4-9bKCPFxS0n1uSHD44Ii70sryEHWKi_t17rR3AJcAmTynK14wSpdUiz-5_O6VR-1ujyBOYPM1zYrTviQh71ek40WTl3H2SX1FF-8N_7KCFd9Q/s1600/heart+in+wood.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 235px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5636288318545698706" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKT_RWoe7AAbeF2tti34pTG_fc4-9bKCPFxS0n1uSHD44Ii70sryEHWKi_t17rR3AJcAmTynK14wSpdUiz-5_O6VR-1ujyBOYPM1zYrTviQh71ek40WTl3H2SX1FF-8N_7KCFd9Q/s320/heart+in+wood.JPG" /></a> The other day, I conversed with a friend of mine whom I mentioned in my very first blog post. The discussion was quite dark and filled with emotions that I'd generally shy away from. Him & I, although very different in many respects, share many character traits. We are both pragmatic & put the needs of others ahead of our own; compromise is a tactic we both take seriously and we try our best to be fair. Currently, we are dealing with people who have shared the same oppinion about us:<br /><br /><br /><div>"you're not the person I thought you were", "I don't think of you the same way I used to", "Things have changed and I don't feel the same way anymore", "Now that I look at us, I feel that this isn't right".</div><br /><br /><div>All of these come from setting expectations too soon in the relationship. I always understood this to be dangerous as it sets up that person up for failure. High expectations that are set too soon in a relationship will always come crashing down as we human's tend to be sloppy and lame in our most comfortable state. </div><br /><br /><div>For example, the first few months in a new relationship will always seem like heaven. Everything feels perfect & your partner seems like a godsend. When all guards are down & the true character of the person is exposed - all expectations and presumptions about this "perfect" person come crashing down. This may not always be the case, but it certainly is the situation in many crumbling relationships. </div><br /><br /><div>The best way to counter this issue is by understanding that the human character is frail & weak. It's vulnerable to imperfections and cannot sustain a glowing review for long period's of time. When you look at the person, you should always expect that you will be impacted by their fallacies and you should endure {if the fallacy is not abusive, destructive, etc.} </div><br /><br /><div>I never like to set high expectations, I do realize that human's are chronically imperfect & that chemistry will not always make things harmonious. But what's most important is that issues can be solved with rationale, love & respect dictate the effort put into the outcome, and change is something that should be taken seriously. </div>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-7975002276846856012011-08-02T11:23:00.000-04:002011-08-02T11:23:57.487-04:00In Pictures: The start of Ramadan - In Pictures - Al Jazeera English<a href="http://english.aljazeera.net/indepth/inpictures/2011/08/2011826551885298.html#.TjgWcDrGgpM.blogger">In Pictures: The start of Ramadan - In Pictures - Al Jazeera English</a>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-46000464966225357732011-07-20T15:32:00.003-04:002011-07-20T16:02:24.677-04:00Satisfied, no matter what<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahAocVkbyeCI8qslR6Ni9bEUowHuFdqR_n4PbkOfpE9mBpX7w3PlB83QPTHsHh9Tjf-pdpGsLt_Wwds-tE9ahwgb82rVyOAA06k99EypFoH_XzBqQORkALkDedgW2Jt6SjbJG0g/s1600/satisfied.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 421px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 294px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5631526971216774242" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahAocVkbyeCI8qslR6Ni9bEUowHuFdqR_n4PbkOfpE9mBpX7w3PlB83QPTHsHh9Tjf-pdpGsLt_Wwds-tE9ahwgb82rVyOAA06k99EypFoH_XzBqQORkALkDedgW2Jt6SjbJG0g/s320/satisfied.JPG" /></a> I look at my dinner plate, it's not apetizing; but that's fine because it's nourishing.<br /><br /><br /><div>My job is not challenging anymore, I feel like my skills are under utilized; but that's fine, atleast I'm making money and I'm respected.<br /></div><br /><div>My financial situation is rather bleak, so much of my money is spent carelessly; but that's fine, atleast my life is sustained.<br /></div><br /><div>My relationship with my wife is rocky and we don't find common ground on pressing issues; but that's fine, we work things out anyway.</div><br /><br /><div>My physical health is no where near it's peak, I feel like I can never get a grip on balancing my health; it's alright though, atleast I'm strong & healthy.</div><br /><br /><div>Sometimes it seems that I'm missing half of my brain, my memory is hazey at best, and I don't function at the speed I need to; not a big issue, I can still process complex ideas.</div><br /><br /><div>My mother is growing heavily dependant on me, I don't know if I have the patience and tollerance to maintain this complicated relationship; it's all good though, atleast we love each other and things will work out.</div><br /><br /><div>Spiritually, I'm far behind my peak. Knowledge and inner peace is what I was known for, now I feel like my thoughts and feelings wander off into foolish pleasures; but that's alright, what was once lost, can be reclaimed with forgiveness.</div><br /><br /><div>My relationship with my father is at a stalemate. We've mutually acknowledged we're not as close as we use to be, and it's consistently growing distant; relationships change & sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. </div><br /><br /><div>I have no degree of self discipline; it's a constant struggle, there's always room for improvement, even as you inch nearer to death. </div><br /><br /><div>So many of my dreams & ambitions are not materializing due to my poor life management skills, I'm tired of my lack-lusture behaviour; don't worry, at some point, they'll flourish when they're meant to. </div><br /><br /><div>I'm worried about my future, I don't want to live vicariously in the sins of my forefathers; don't worry, you are in God's care.</div><br /><br /><div>Al Hamdulilah {praise & thanks to the Almighty} I'm satisfied.</div><br /><br /><div>For without doubt, with the rememberance of Allah, do hearts find satisfaction. (Quran, 13:28)</div>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-5813275853969428012010-07-02T21:53:00.003-04:002010-07-02T23:34:14.222-04:00The Master Story Teller<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi0B32OD_7X34Aoo1vP1sE-WlNHqzbQPZyChtrcjt857ZItWWmBFrSxmTQ86uT-z5wcJhIf-3IvgRpCPH2EwMMsa3RAgLlabhJnfun3ofQdCj3kaERZiwCb0pcoAJLsj9XYZzTFg/s1600/book.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi0B32OD_7X34Aoo1vP1sE-WlNHqzbQPZyChtrcjt857ZItWWmBFrSxmTQ86uT-z5wcJhIf-3IvgRpCPH2EwMMsa3RAgLlabhJnfun3ofQdCj3kaERZiwCb0pcoAJLsj9XYZzTFg/s320/book.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489516487946329170" border="0" /></a>I sat with an elderly woman one evening as she narrated a story that seared through me. She was a rather calm woman, but radiated an energy that spoke of a past laden with wisdom. She was dressed in a very simple black gown and a white scarf flowed over her hair. Her stare would drive through the staunches of men while plaguing anyone with a sense of fear; but it was a fear that drew you near with curiousity.<br /><br />I listened closely and she began,<br /><br />"A man was making his sacred pilgrimage to the afterlife - he was dressed in a white shroud and lowered slowly into the earth while his loved ones starred. He was well aware of what was happening and witnessed everyone's unique actions. Some cried, others starred into the distance, several wailed and many breathed deeply. He was a man that was well respected and evoked the emotions of all those he touched.<br /><br />He clenched tightly with him a book of history. It appeared to be a source of comfort as he lay lifeless in earth that grew tighter with every passing moment. He was then approached by a group of strange looking beings; looked similar to humans but their race & gender could not be distinguished. They asked him a number of questions and each one he answered in the affirmative.<br /><br />Then passed years and events that struck degrees of peace and anxiety and within a matter of moments, he stood alone in a place that dumbfounded him. It wasn't bound by the elements, and time was not an issue. He clenched that book of history with his dear life and was soon approached by a few men cloaked in gowns made from something other than cloth. It appeared that they were entirely enshrouded in a pleasant warm light. They looked at him and said,<br /><br />"What's that you have clenched so tightly?"<br /><br />He said, "it's a book I was given as I was breathing my last"<br /><br />The 2 men looked at him, smiled and said, "a story perhaps? We are not bound by time anymore, would you mind reading it to us?"<br /><br />He than realized that it was the day he heard so much about. The day that many people thought was just an old myth. He now realized this was a day that was the definition of reality; it was his judgment.<br /><br />He started to ease his grip on the book and looked at the front cover; it was bound by brown leather and had no title - but his name was inscribed in tiny gold letters at the bottom right hand corner. He opened it began to read as the 2 men listened carefully to every detail. He spoke of all things beautiful, embarrassing, deceitful, painful, treacherous, glorious, difficult, comical, shameful, enlightening, fearful, and finally anxiety stricken.<br /><br />He closed the book and the two men stood up and uttered a plea to their Master,<br /><br />"We seek to intercede on behalf of this believer. We ask, in all humility, to forgive him of his transgressions and show him your highest degree of mercy. He toiled and slaved without asking for any reward. We request that you overlook his shortcomings and give him the pleasure of your nearness. His words and actions matured with his years until they eventually reached harmony. His sins are a plenty - but his good deeds reached the hearts of many and he has sown the seeds of belief in the land that flourished even after he journeyed to the afterlife. Dear Master, do you accept?"<br /><br />At this point, the elderly woman stopped narrating the story and looked towards me and said,<br /><br />"do you see the value of this story?"<br /><br />"What is it?" I uttered.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"Nothing goes to the grave with you, except your story. Your history, your deeds, words, actions and intentions are the only possessions worthy of your toil. Journey to the afterlife with that book clenched tightly, because your story will be your only asset."</span>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-58624413845871599352010-07-02T16:25:00.004-04:002010-07-02T17:45:04.301-04:00You are a Humble Queen Amongst Peasants<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqv71L3M2EY_2VvVJjSwxyW2yjLnjhIHPNeGCrKP96O-dCD5HAnQfLxazR0VSSXpifEhT7dbedfObm7Qhoat4t_fxpy0ylAdEiSiDJKg5xKk2VBEI91VHB_E0mN9Xgw6lV9OnY7A/s1600/tree.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489428116311547602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 360px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 241px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqv71L3M2EY_2VvVJjSwxyW2yjLnjhIHPNeGCrKP96O-dCD5HAnQfLxazR0VSSXpifEhT7dbedfObm7Qhoat4t_fxpy0ylAdEiSiDJKg5xKk2VBEI91VHB_E0mN9Xgw6lV9OnY7A/s320/tree.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div>Thank you for reminding me of my humanity,<br />Much gratitude for the blessed wisdom aged with humility,<br />Vulnerable is what you are,<br />Reduced to my knees is what I've become,<br />My heart fills my body with serenity and extacy,<br />I beg for freedom from bliss,<br />knowing, knowing, oh dear Lord, such bitter knowledge<br />Bliss that will never manifest and reduced to emotionless memory - destined to fade into nothingness<br />From the guiding light of heaven, my heart begs the question - what ever have I done to be given the taste of bliss - knowing I'll never drown in its extasy.<br />For the sake of perspective,<br />my mind recieved inspiration as such<br />Grateful am I - for life is grand. </div>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-80409918919888552342010-03-29T23:32:00.002-04:002010-03-29T23:54:18.509-04:00Breaking the Wall<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwnrP6Clo1bqkd2Tfk1IsrLeeAVCKyZe_fQhqvjjqVFewNZl_C5W-o3rHCKpOSobxH4y3NLTWlSJddkYx-9tpZGEilQ6uvrT_nllw2z3WEVnR_gEzGzh9Nw56R9fIzVUYFdP-Elg/s1600/runners+wall.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 399px; height: 335px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwnrP6Clo1bqkd2Tfk1IsrLeeAVCKyZe_fQhqvjjqVFewNZl_C5W-o3rHCKpOSobxH4y3NLTWlSJddkYx-9tpZGEilQ6uvrT_nllw2z3WEVnR_gEzGzh9Nw56R9fIzVUYFdP-Elg/s320/runners+wall.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454270109970866626" border="0" /></a><br />Running is incredibly boring for the average person. Taking strides, street after street can be very unstimulating for some. Then there are people who appreciate the freedom of long distance running. It's your time to get a lot of thinking done while you train yourself to run longer and harder. It's the hour of freedom from the world as you zero in on your body; your brain chanting and motivating you to run harder and to never quit.<br /><br />Us runners are aware of something, it's called the wall. It's the point of complete physical exhaustion. You try to run & your body refuses to move. Your mind's prowess cannot overcome the intimidating wall & you essentially give up. Some people carry on walking, other try to run & it's usually embarrassing.<br /><br />However, in the midst of all your exhaustion and pain as you try to move past the wall - it suddenly shatters under its own weight & heroically, you blast off as if you were at the peak of your endurance. This is the golden moment for us runners - where our minds have given up - our bodies have haulted & in a short second - you've igniting and taken off like a wolf.<br /><br />As you're aware, this is all metaphor for my topic of discussion: it is, "surpassing your limitations" - I will write more tomorrow as for now, I'm exhausted.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-10135163962137294302010-02-28T21:05:00.003-05:002010-02-28T22:10:14.552-05:00Wishes & DreamsNever have I laid my head to rest and dreamt of anything worldly.<br /><br />All my fantasies are simple & attainable.<br /><br />Never have I turned my head towards my Lord and asked for anything luxiours & unnecessary.<br /><br />Have I ever owned anything which brought me contentment?<br /><br />Never.<br /><br />I gaze at the ornaments that distract me from my goal & eventually realize they serve no purpose t me.<br /><br />But I still look at them with adornment & cling to it like a fool.<br /><br />I then open my eyes and realize that reality is beyond the glitter which eluded my soul.<br /><br />I sit back and think deeply; I dwelve deeply into the abyss of my shallow heart and realize my dreams & wishes<br /><br />All I ever crave is be the champion of my own self,<br /><br />Conquerer & Emperor of my battles<br /><br />I look towards my long time companion,<br /><br />The friend whose betrayed me, and I blindly wander back to him like a fool & listen to his words of faux wisdom.<br /><br />He averts me from my dreams & makes me forget that I am a man of foresight<br /><br />The stupor of intoxication is like the cloud that hides the sun from it's audience - it's confuses their mood for only a little while<br /><br />Only hope and faith reminds me that the sun will shine through - and only then will I realize, that I never needed the sun to dream.<br /><br />All I needed was a litte clarity & a good nights rest.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-78205555698273978742010-02-01T22:52:00.000-05:002010-02-01T23:34:03.401-05:00I've made my decision & I stand by it.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHytfjQi77OGyy-mFasz_HLlotmkCGGOii4e4TDAu44cYSjiJmvYCC-wswFllqeu3ZMQlKfsyBPcQieqkYXaAIj2dBmD6a64UepuEWAr-jwn1LJZbhdXbqoobXe1UtUeS0z8uh8w/s1600-h/3098967824_a2e6bc3a3f_o.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHytfjQi77OGyy-mFasz_HLlotmkCGGOii4e4TDAu44cYSjiJmvYCC-wswFllqeu3ZMQlKfsyBPcQieqkYXaAIj2dBmD6a64UepuEWAr-jwn1LJZbhdXbqoobXe1UtUeS0z8uh8w/s320/3098967824_a2e6bc3a3f_o.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433498955416413858" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I never make a deicision independently.<br /><br />That's just plain foolish.<br /><br />I consult a man that has comforted me when the dark hour of the night brought out my vulnerability; His name is Zain ul Abedeen [peace be upon him].<br /><br />My relationship with him started 6 years ago when I searched high & low for solace. I was the luckiest man alive to come across a man who was named "the crowning prince of the worshippers". When I met him, I realized not who he was, although I could tell his soul beamed so brightly - a light so bright - that it shook you at the very core.<br /><br />He didn't speak much, he was quiet man and only spoke through paper. I asked him questions & he stood there and handed me a book. I looked at it's glittering red cover and gold lettering which stated "as sahafa as sajiddiya".<br /><br />"hmmm....the psalms of the prostrating", I muttered.<br /><br />The book was written for those who took comfort in praying and supplicating while their heads touched the ground. I guess he knew I was one of them, I deeply respected the institution of prostration; my hero's advocated it.<br /><br />I opened the book and there it was....a simple supplication for the person who understands they are not alone in the decision making process.<br /><br />Zain Al Abedeen [peace be upon him] read the supplication to me and I followed shortly after him - I admired him and was so compelled by his sweet & strong nature that I wanted to abandon my life and become his servant.<br /><br />I sat down and read the supplication where it stated mans need for help and protection. It went deep into me and showed me that I was never independent in my deicision making - that I needed Allah to decide what to do when I come to a cross roads. Allah, the master of my micro universe, guides my decisions so I may follow through with the best case scenario for myself & those whom I affiliate with.<br /><br />This is why I stand by my decisions - this is why, whenever I have nightly conversations with Shaytan, I remind him that it was not just me who decided to live the way I do now, it is my Master - Allah, that hath put me here. I am honoured with what I've been commanded to do and I take pride in the situations I am put in.<br /><br />Indepence is a bullsh*t term, it was coined to fool people that they were the centre of the universe & all revolves around them. We are dependent upon each other and inevitably dependent upon the One.<br /><br />Thank you Zain ul Abedeen for giving me a bridge to cross into Allah's kingdom.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-850286185603144972010-02-01T15:37:00.000-05:002010-02-01T18:04:12.095-05:00The Pangs of Vicarious Living<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj24xdtLYWLd-hKurJpD_azxxJ1g1Oy7fBpCrRKxhXS69jBxangbAhSayyrifkc7_YIx7khlgr79Rwpo07b4Wiok80V6RCcpRgQDii40vqT3rl5oqANAYWcLQNDy6q5gD0_nlgbHg/s1600-h/2672864999_994124d7e3_b.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433384387302036594" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 310px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj24xdtLYWLd-hKurJpD_azxxJ1g1Oy7fBpCrRKxhXS69jBxangbAhSayyrifkc7_YIx7khlgr79Rwpo07b4Wiok80V6RCcpRgQDii40vqT3rl5oqANAYWcLQNDy6q5gD0_nlgbHg/s320/2672864999_994124d7e3_b.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Living vicariously, or having others live vicariously through you is dangerous. The lifestyle I'm talking about is when you are fulfilling the duties and commitments of those who've stepped out of the picture because they couldn't bare the sitation they were in. The nature of your situation "volun-told"you to absorb the struggle of others.</div><br /><div>I've been doing this for quite some time, and only recently has Shaytan conversed with me about it. He [or maybe she] tried to convince me that I don't have to live like this anymore. Only recently, has my friendly enemy sat me down in the midst of night, explaning to me that I need to do what is in my best....selfish interests. </div><br /><div>What he explain sounded near logical. Like most humans, you do what is in your interests - you do what is best for you and you decide what you need for yourself. I did something about 3 years ago - I somehow convinced myself that selfless living, is the only way to live. I've managed to turn a lifestyle of selfless service into a selfish passion. </div><div></div><br /><div>Some might commend a person whose taken on such a role. I questioned the philosophy, thinking I might have put a spell on myself. </div><br /><div>Shaytan kept talking - he continued siting next me at the edge of my bed as he offered me a sense of cold contentment. He had me in an intellectual lockdown, I believed him. I thought....just for a moment - even the spiritual master spends time to focus on what is in his selfish interests. </div><br /><div>I looked up at Shaytan and asked him,</div><br /><div>"If selfless living is an unfulfilling way to live - than why has it bore so many grandoise achievements?" </div><div></div><br /><div>He then said to me,</div><br /><div>"Are you telling me, that you the emptiness inside you is an achievement?"</div><br /><div>I paused to quell the frustration and rebutted,</div><br /><div>"what champion hasn't been through struggle before he became the master of what God placed in front of him?"</div><br /><div>Shaytan stayed quiet, he got up and straightened his suitjacket and walked away. But he left his impression on me. He offered me the chance to decide selfishly for once in my life....I then questioned, was it him or I who offered that proposal?</div><br /><div>I just know that I need a little more energy to fulfill my duties as the man I want to be; however, for the time being - I'm in need of a break. </div>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-92180253955031671772010-01-27T11:37:00.000-05:002010-01-27T16:28:17.321-05:00It's Just the Nature of the Situation<div align="left"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431473933745880626" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 337px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 242px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkG3dQWqMexmq_f5vyrGdQtkUHjnXvLqlHxjyWcP74xa2SLacxJjhvGAANznXwqFaw9OE4tut2u3GBcMD-eds-_kibqvr4s8q8DJ3KYYwXJu8OmWVD7ymzx1n-MFQMdyAtf2OU-w/s320/untitled.bmp" border="0" />I make errors.<br /><br />I admit it.<br /><br />Sometimes, they're a result of poor judgement, other times they're due to mindless laziness & other times, due to being naiive.<br /><br />My social circle is rather large & therefore, I don't have many intimate [close] friends other than the members of my family. Therefore, I SOMETIMES consult them on matters - but due to my stubborn [Obsessive need to complete a task I started] nature, I take my own route. My parents lay claim that I was like that since childhood; I take advice, and do whatever I rationalize. Like other humans, my rationale isn't always sound, - I'm usually driven by the utilitarian thought process, which is the need to consider "the greater good" & other times, I'm driven by impulse.<br /><br />The other day, I failed to make a quick move; a move that would be considered logical to most people, but to my lazy & somewhat naiive nature - it wasn't something that crossed my mind. I got some heat for it and rightly so. But, I learned my lesson - one that I wont forget & I'm glad I went through it.<br /><br />I took a hard look into my life and like most men, I tried to focus the blame on someone else; I realized that was stupid and I reassessed the reason why I'm not the manly, alpha [fu*king] male most people want me to be.<br /><br />I spoke to my mother about my personal dissapointment and told her,<br /><br />"Mama, I'm not content with the way I am. I don't like the way I make decisions and feel that I'm not as mature as I need to be."<br /><br />She spoke to me, as if she knew I was trying to blame her and she was graceful. She didn't respond the way I wanted her to, she said,<br /><br />"whatever happens, just be grateful and content"<br /><br />As usual, that brought back a sense of self-satisfaction knowing that, I am who I am and I should be content with that.<br /><br />But, by inheriting from my father an extreme/overt sense of self-criticism - I couldnt help by feel bothered. In the midst of that insanity I made 1 rational theory: <strong>It's just the nature of the situation.</strong><br /><br />I thought - the situation that I'm currently in is the best-case scenario. Out of all the situations that I could have been, this was the better one. The nature of the situation, nurtured me. No situation will garner what <strong>I consider</strong> to be the best case scenario; however, it is what I need. I felt relieved and I sincerely appologized to my mother for my lack of gratitude and as most mothers, she accepted.<br /><br />I think overt self-criticism will be the death of me if I don't stop.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-72088533648773287662009-12-15T00:27:00.000-05:002009-12-15T00:49:32.250-05:00On the vulnerability of HumansThe other day, I starred deeply into the eyes of the ones I love most. I looked closely at the hearts of the ones that raised me. I starred long and hard, like my life depended on it.<br /><br />All I saw was the frail soul that hid deeply in the hearts of bani Adam.<br /><br />I was scared, thinking - maybe it was I that encouraged their souls to feel fragile and vulnerable. Blamed myself for not fulfilling my duties as a son.<br /><br />I starred deeply into the eyes of my sweet sister, the mother of 2 angels, the wife of a pensive man and saw the same.<br /><br />Vulnerability...<br /><br />I saw humans who desired protection and wished for ease. I saw humanity's wish for peace and serenity. All I saw was a masked sadness - however, the masked was crumbling, it was made of a material weaker than that of flesh.<br /><br />The eyes spoke to me, and its silent words sent me into the depth of the coldest waters. I wished for the water to engulf me and send me beyond the borders of this planet of masked and broken souls.<br /><br />But I realized, I was the water.<br /><br />I realized - looking deeply into the eyes of my new friend - the young woman who wished for love and confidence - that it was I, starring at myself in the reflection of her glossy eyes. The gloss of sweet tears that covered over the gentle grey colour. The rare colour that a select few are blessed with.<br /><br />I wished for a will made of steel, I wished and prayed hard - to be a human not bound by the shakles of vulnerability. But I couldn't break free - I will never.<br /><br />It is my nature, to forever be vulnerable - it is the will of my heart to remain frail.<br /><br />The quiver of my character that stands tall in the face all those that wish to be like me. It qivered like a leaf...I quiver because I know that in the face of my Lord - I'm just a weak man, aching for a life free of hardship..<br /><br />But that ship doesnt sail with the wind - it charges at me without mercy.<br /><br />My only defense is to admit - I am a human, vulnerable and frail; slightly worn and damaged prematurely. At that point, is where I realize without my Creator, I'm just another pound of flesh about to be trampled by the charging ship.<br /><br />Instead, I ride the ship like an Angel that enshrouds the sky with stunning light.<br /><br />and I ensure that it is I that uses life, and not life that uses me.<br /><br />The animal known as the human is born frail and in need of protection - and lives in that state. We just mask it, some do a better job than others.<br /><br />My job is to take the mask off and embrace it and wish for the protection of my Creator, the one and only Allah.<br /><br />blessed be my soul - frail and weak, may it forever realize my need for protection.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-62351323383863721282009-12-08T18:03:00.000-05:002009-12-08T18:18:12.273-05:00The Difference between the broad-minded & petty mindedI realize that many humans fail to grasp the big picture. We fail to choose long term goals and instead, focus on satisfying impulse. We choose irrational emotional reactions and fail to reflect before we act.<br /><br />Not to say that emotional reactions are bad - but treat your emotions with value and express them only when you see the situation worthy of your emotions.<br /><br />I'm tired of the weak spirited human. The one that choose the glitter of planet earth and neglects the reality of selfless humanism.<br /><br />The trained human has tamed their soul; a taming that suffocates ill reaction to simple and pointless, words and deeds. The tamed human assess and thinks before moving forward.<br /><br />The brain is such a beautiful thing; it is the universe that begs to be discovered, it's thoughts and memories are endless and the vast depths you can travel within are sometimes frightening.<br /><br />Your vessel to travel the mental-universe is your heart - the only thing that could protect your soul from the darkness that sometimes lurks in the vast darkness of the mind.<br /><br />However, why would someone refrain from using their minds? why are people much more willing to submit to impulse and irrational behaviour? I never understood.<br /><br />Logic is a beautiful thing, it is my passport to sanity in the psychotic jungle known as society.<br /><br />I'd rather be a poor man with a mind that could conquer ignorance, than a wealthy man whose will submits to impulse.<br /><br />These are just my disorganized thoughts.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-82994958034485488812009-11-16T23:19:00.000-05:002009-11-16T23:28:52.786-05:00The Fruits of Wisdom<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzvSxjfd1lw9QrZ2Yqgtsxwsz_xnc9y7S-VW3dA4XTD-xFkXtpmMg_fkE2ED9MdlES4yx0m3jLMk1121gcvXm9ZfjD8CzVD6cSEEQ_50YRj7oiyMitJ_kYzf4kC0wv6uIVTgQbA/s1600/1454503556_b3dbc22eec_o.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 407px; height: 305px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzvSxjfd1lw9QrZ2Yqgtsxwsz_xnc9y7S-VW3dA4XTD-xFkXtpmMg_fkE2ED9MdlES4yx0m3jLMk1121gcvXm9ZfjD8CzVD6cSEEQ_50YRj7oiyMitJ_kYzf4kC0wv6uIVTgQbA/s320/1454503556_b3dbc22eec_o.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404924445492429826" border="0" /></a><br />One evening a Cherokee elder told his grandson<br />about the battle that goes on inside people.<br /><br />He said,<br />“My son, the battle is between the two ‘wolves’ that live inside us all.<br /><br />One is Unhappiness. It is fear, worry, anger, jealousy, sorrow, self-pity, resentment and inferiority.<br /><br />The other is Happiness. It is joy, love, hope, serenity, kindness, generosity, truth and compassion. ”<br /><br />The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,<br />“Which wolf wins?”<br /><br />The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed”.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-8965175830026153822009-11-08T21:30:00.000-05:002009-11-09T10:15:19.295-05:00To witness the blooming flowers....<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha_8R0LWcHW35616RyXqmjLhqyCDWrXhwneJKNde7QvdEs4y6hiaoHDRQk0Tv_B310AMPJLzl7kvkKxc70qLvrUx70k6ldDEwHIMhUGrfp4NZPgOBy3m6GeAT-DZLiAtDbjSRNYQ/s1600-h/untitled.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401929242839964194" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 213px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha_8R0LWcHW35616RyXqmjLhqyCDWrXhwneJKNde7QvdEs4y6hiaoHDRQk0Tv_B310AMPJLzl7kvkKxc70qLvrUx70k6ldDEwHIMhUGrfp4NZPgOBy3m6GeAT-DZLiAtDbjSRNYQ/s320/untitled.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />Grand, isn't it?<br /><br />To watch something unfold before your very eyes?<br />Something that seems so subtle, so natural and profoundly sacred.<br /><br />To witness it unfold and bloom without the intervention of humanity.<br />From the bulb - out comes a portrait - one sculpted by the potent phrase "be"...and it became.<br /><br />Such a portrait is worthy to be seen only by the patient.<br />For the inpatient cannot bare to watch something take its time and unfold slowly.<br /><br />The inpatient must see it immediately - so much to the extent that they cannot bare the idea that something hessitates and prepares for its exposure to planet earth.<br /><br />The inpatient one thrashes at the bulb, some open it gently.<br />Regardless, they failed to give the bulb the need to open up naturally.<br /><br />The bulb dies - only to unveil that the hidden portrait within<br />was too beautiful for the world.<br />and perished quickly<br /><br />Some care not.<br /><br />cursed for life are the inpatient - lost for life are the careless.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-70069888055299250772009-11-08T01:34:00.001-05:002009-11-08T08:58:09.513-05:00Harmony of Mind and Heart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimyFumyOk_wE0xhgcoGpY1Sd_Ne-lWwZgP0-9GtGSHcpG8xCif-aPRg1zoLMLiORHiLqM8BuaI9WdN2fK9jGsgMyFlfhUEyZ58lYAdmDrk-TdKwBWVCD1KLI2n2nGjyfhvmKrbWA/s1600-h/1304628760_5900ef7840_o.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimyFumyOk_wE0xhgcoGpY1Sd_Ne-lWwZgP0-9GtGSHcpG8xCif-aPRg1zoLMLiORHiLqM8BuaI9WdN2fK9jGsgMyFlfhUEyZ58lYAdmDrk-TdKwBWVCD1KLI2n2nGjyfhvmKrbWA/s320/1304628760_5900ef7840_o.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401625814852161922" border="0" /></a><br />Dear Readers,<br />As humans, we are obligated to make decisions that are in the best interests of ourselves, and those near and dear in our lives. The decision making process is a tedious one, as we're require to assess the potential outcome. This requires foresight, hindsight and the willingness to accept responsibility if the outcome causes harm, and if good comes from it - to accept it with humility and gratefulness.<br /><br />We're obliged to weigh the pro's and con's and if the good outweighs the bad - it is in our best interests to follow through.<br /><br />Much of what I stated above is structured risk taking.<br /><br />It's pensive intimate discourse. Sometimes it requires "old man" behaviour [sitting around in the quiet focusing on the task at hand] and we usually pair this with seeking advise from those who've made similar decisions.<br /><br />Sometimes - we just say "f' it" and just do it without the pensive, structured risk taking. This is the risk taking of adrenaline junkies who appreciate the golden feeling of great memories and aged wisdom.<br /><br />The kind of wisdom we love hearing about. These lessons are the kind that we cannot prepare for. Your only means to gaining from such risks is to supplicate, have confidence and faith.<br /><br />As a human being, I appreciate the adrenaline rush of a risk. I despise the phrase "what if I did..."<br /><br />I need to see something through, right till the end.<br />and so should you.<br /><br />Sometimes the need to take the risk and see it right until the end comes from two needs. The need to satisfy curiousity and there's this magnetic need to find out. This is usually a byproduct of contradicting thoughts & emotions, some that are generated by the mind & heart and they are at odds.<br /><br />and the other is a byproduct of "harmony of mind and heart".<br /><br />Harmony of mind and heart is the weapon of the spiritual warrior. If you ever are in a state where your emotions and rationale are on par with each other - don't waste it.<br /><br />This is the highest form of confidence - one in which, your capacity to make something work is at its highest and the anxiety of risk isn't there. You may see a potential risk - but it does not hinder your performance.<br /><br />This is the equivalent of making your soul a freight train.<br /><br />I want my soul to be a freight train.<br /><br />nothing stops me, because I am free.<br />ameen.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-58130356580823846112009-01-11T15:24:00.000-05:002009-01-11T15:36:31.020-05:00The Gift of Anger.I am not tired, nor am I lazy.<br />I am not unjust, nor am I blind.<br />my anger is not a result of instinct.<br />it is a result of rationale.<br /><br />I rationalized, thought about and realized that if I wasn't angry about the death of the innocent, I would be well adjusted to a f*cked up society. A society that is ill-prinicpled and self-absorbed and cares only for their wealth.<br /><br />I am not adjusted to a f*cked up society, I am it's polar opposite;<br />staring at it;<br />studying it's every move;<br />and preparing to enlighten it.<br /><br />Shedding light on the moral ills of modern humanity, or lack there of.<br />Telling people they need to be angry, they need to utilize the one gift of sheer rage - at the only thing worthy of anger - oppression.<br /><br />Politicians staying quiet,<br />politicians working strictly for votes<br />bending backwards for a ballot that will probably score them some points for a short period of time,<br />but eventually that paper ballot is what will choke them when the scent of children's blood doesn't leave their hands.<br /><br />I am angry,<br />rightfully<br />and for the sake of what is just.<br /><br />One of these days, my anger will manifest - and you will be angry like me.<br /><br />and we'll bring back humanity together.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32925705.post-85471874097445371922008-12-30T13:02:00.000-05:002008-12-30T13:12:16.217-05:00Feeling IncompetentComplete sense of helplessness<br />unable to do anything<br />All I can do is protest and blog<br />possibly donate some money<br /><br />I become angry - but my anger is suffocated<br /><br />I will never forgive an oppressor, nor will I forgive<br />I witness hell on television<br />the hell of mangled children<br />the hell of civilians convulsing from shock and pain<br />but the hell to be experienced by the politicians who've remained silent is far worse<br /><br />soon enough, they'll rot<br />soon enough their throne and wealth will be the kindle that fuels their fire<br /><br />Why is it that every government is tippy-toeing in the tulips for the oppressor<br />Why did Harper's government react spinelessly?<br />Why is Obama silent? Why hasn't the revolutionary president done anything<br />Why is he on vacation as the world burns?<br />Just another bourgeoisie reaping the wealth of the poor and innocecnt<br /><br />In due time, the oppressor will beg for mercy<br />and no one will answer their call<br />Soon enough the silent leaders will claim innocence,<br />and no one will be there to hear them<br /><br />When that happens, I will hope that my prayers for the oppressed<br />and my dollars<br />might keep me away from the kingdom of hell the oppressor built for himself.Neil Hajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12191902302096732244noreply@blogger.com2