As you might have figured out, I'm not as preoccupied as usual. I spend my hours in attempt to initiate my career through online applications - at this point, I am still optimistic, but the only stones I leave unturned are correctional officer (working in a prison) and a legal assistant. I'm beginning to consider policing as an domestic violence specialist - but I don't know...
Options are everywhere, nothing is definite. You can plan all you want, but the the micro-details are unpredictable (yes, I refer to your first career move as a micro-detail before you don't know where anything will lead you).
So the other day I was driving with a good friend (my mother); we go down to my favorite spot near the lake and she becomes as inspired as I. On our way there, I discussed a scenario that I fell into many times. Not once, not twice MANY times...where I was convinced that the final answer was already determined and it was time to carry on with the rest of my life. She looked at me and said; no. That one word shook me; no. Then did I realize, there is no final answer in this life except for death and the day in which there is no doubt (al youm la rayba fe - Judgment day). I was always convinced about determined answers; but nothing is definite. Nothing is the end of all roads; no answer is forever permanent. Maybe because I am not a mathematician in which all is black and white (right or wrong); I am a social scientist, where most or everything is grey.
I concluded that there are no conclusions in life; there is no guarantee that something is over; Your plans or your beliefs may be your aspirations, but definite are they really?
However, you might question, shouldn't we be determined enough to want things to be definite?
Lets say, for example - that a young woman wants to revolutionize her people to stand up against a system that is discreetly being designed to oppress them. She might desire it and pray for it, work for it and fight for it; but what is to say that will happen?
Than how confident can you be in your dreams and ambitions if things are not definite?
Now I confused myself - although I am convinced that humans have free will and can do as they wish; if they wanted to do something big and revolutionary but it doesn't go in that direction, is that necessarily a bad thing?
maybe this philosophy is just plain out stupid - wait, actually now I got it...
maybe there are somethings other than death and the day in which there is no doubt, and some things where you have control over? Maybe there are somethings that you are destined to do and you envision it years before it happens...is that a legitimate way to understand the term "definite"? Obviously, agnostics and atheists would think I'm retarded - but I'm still trying to figure out what I should close the book on and I should continue looking forward too....
maybe I should just stfu and just "koun (be)"
I guess everyone is allowed to think in wasteful dimensions once in a while...
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