I look at my dinner plate, it's not apetizing; but that's fine because it's nourishing.My job is not challenging anymore, I feel like my skills are under utilized; but that's fine, atleast I'm making money and I'm respected.
My financial situation is rather bleak, so much of my money is spent carelessly; but that's fine, atleast my life is sustained.
My relationship with my wife is rocky and we don't find common ground on pressing issues; but that's fine, we work things out anyway.
My physical health is no where near it's peak, I feel like I can never get a grip on balancing my health; it's alright though, atleast I'm strong & healthy.
Sometimes it seems that I'm missing half of my brain, my memory is hazey at best, and I don't function at the speed I need to; not a big issue, I can still process complex ideas.
My mother is growing heavily dependant on me, I don't know if I have the patience and tollerance to maintain this complicated relationship; it's all good though, atleast we love each other and things will work out.
Spiritually, I'm far behind my peak. Knowledge and inner peace is what I was known for, now I feel like my thoughts and feelings wander off into foolish pleasures; but that's alright, what was once lost, can be reclaimed with forgiveness.
My relationship with my father is at a stalemate. We've mutually acknowledged we're not as close as we use to be, and it's consistently growing distant; relationships change & sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
I have no degree of self discipline; it's a constant struggle, there's always room for improvement, even as you inch nearer to death.
So many of my dreams & ambitions are not materializing due to my poor life management skills, I'm tired of my lack-lusture behaviour; don't worry, at some point, they'll flourish when they're meant to.
I'm worried about my future, I don't want to live vicariously in the sins of my forefathers; don't worry, you are in God's care.
Al Hamdulilah {praise & thanks to the Almighty} I'm satisfied.
For without doubt, with the rememberance of Allah, do hearts find satisfaction. (Quran, 13:28)
1 comment:
I don't know how I got here to your blog ! this blog got to me in a day where you experienced these same emotions in 2011 ! I feel all the points except the one with your father, mine disappeared/passed away as many Lebanese many years ago after an explosion..
I would like to think that you are now three years later, doing better with work and relationships and hopefully I will find my peace couple of years from now :)
American-Lebanese middle aged woman :)
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